Friday, May 8, 2015

To the Tune of Ebony and Ivory

"Dirty Knees .. and Ovaries,
Live together in my archdiocese,
I'm a whore but I get my pills for free so,
Why not ev-ry-body?"

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

God's Plan and the K.G.B.

What does God's plan for you have to do with the KGB?
 
You are an Agent of the Lord here on Earth.  You are here to to glorify him, and to carry out his plan on Earth.
 
Consider the K.G.B. ... to compare or contrast ...
 
The KGB agent is in America to carry out the plan of the Kremlin.  He lives his life, gets a job, takes a wife, has children, joins the moose lodge, enjoys himself when he can, checks in regularly, reports anything of note, and on occasion may request help if it is needed and available.
 
Unlike many of God's agents here on Earth, the KGB agent in America does not question the plan.  He does not wring his hands in worry, and cry out "But then what?  But then what? What's the goal? What's gonna happen? Why am I here?".  He just lives his life, awaiting instructions, and until then, simply follows the book.

Monday, May 4, 2015

Non English Speaking Telephone Reps

If you have a call center when you have non-english speaking telephone reps, you should make them take 5 minutes a day to practice not saying "herrrrm" between rambling  fragments of your question when trying to answer a question in which they do not know the answer.  Just say "I don't know."
 
Q. "Can I book a reservation to ship my dog in air cargo at the same time I purchase my tickets?"
 
A. "Hermmm Can you book..Hermmm...ship dog... Hermmmm.... cargo time?.....  Book the ticket ... Hermmm."
 
 

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Employers have an advantage these days

Back when I was an employer (back when I had a thriving business) we used to have a problem.  People would polish their resume's, dress up, and act as professional as they could to get hired.  Then, after a few months their true selves would come out and sometimes that was okay and sometimes it was a problem and they would have to be managed but you couldn't fire them because their true-selves were becoming litigious protected classes that you couldn't let go for showing up to work in a tutu.
 
But now, they are proudly putting these things on their resumes:
 
    Religion: Wicca
    Gender: Cisgender Man
    Race: Self-identified Niburi
    Major: Ethnic Trans-Degenerate Social Agitation Poetry
 
At least for the time being, you can't get into trouble for not hiring someone in the first place.