Be Less Excellent: Email

E-mail is probably a very big part of your day if you are the average business person these days, and chances are your email messages in some way interact with one or more below-average looters. In order to prop up their dignity and make them feel better about themselves, we recommend that you actively practice "less excellence" when crafting your correspondence.

 

Here are some tips that you can consider when typing up an email to make it more below average and thus less intimidating to the looters that might see it:

 

+ Never change the subject line, even if the subject of the thread has changed completely.

 

Sometimes a chain of back and forth emails might begin with a reply, and not an original message.  For instance, someone might email you an announcement like "Keep the back door locked" to which you reply, "By the way, is the new server ready?".  This opens up a can of worms because the server was DOA, it had to be shipped back to the manufacturer, nobody knew what the status of the replacement was, someone else wants the shipper to be responsible for the handling charges, etc, etc, etc. This goes on for weeks, but in order to maintain your less-threatening, sub-standard alumenousity, you (on purpose) and everyone else (because they are mostly losers) continue to forward and reply with the subject line "Keep the back door locked".

 

+ Begin every other sentence with a lower case letter.

 

+ Frequently end a phrase with a space, and then a comma ,and then more words.

 

+ Use the abbreviation "Ect".

 

+ Occasionally make no sense whatsoever.

 

+ For extra emphasis on something, add fifty exclamation points.

 

+ Frequently forward emails without any explanation at all, or with the first name of the person you are forwarding it to, without capitalization, as the totality of your explanation. Like this:

 

To: Erik Olson

Fr: Julie Patron

Sb: Keep the back door locked

 

erik

 

----- Original Message ----

> To: Julie Patron

> Fr: Fed Ex

> Sb: Keep the back door locked

 

> jule

 

>----- Original Message ----

>> To: Julie Patron

>> Fr: Fed Ex

>> Sb: Keep the back door locked

 

>> please forward this requestion to the appropriate answerer ,for replying

 

ect.